Roller Coaster

So I'm kind of bummed. Yesterday I called the doctor to find out the results of my CD 21 labwork and the nurse informed me that I didn't even ovulate this month. I had been so hopeful. It's hard to explain. I know that God is in control. It just hurts---even so. I know that He created me and thus put these very emotions inside of me so I think He understands. I'm not mad, not bitter......just disappointed.

The up side is that they're letting me start clomid this coming up cycle instead of waiting for 2 months like I was previously told.

I don't have "absolute proof" that we didn't get our miracle this month yet but from what the doctor's office said it seems unlikely. There is still that small glimmer of hope, though. I'll fan it until I know for sure. And then I'll hope and I'll pray for next month. Like I've said before.......Josh and I both feel like things are "changing" in our lives right now and we're hoping that this is our year and that God will intervene........have I said lately how thankful I am to have a husband of God??? He has been wonderful.......tolerating my mood swings, picking up the slack and doing most(well ALL but the bills) of the day to day house duties. He doesn't even complain on the days where I can barely get out of bed......much less be " cheerful company" for him. I'm trying with all of my heart to fight these negative feelings. I'm trying to keep the joy of the Lord in my heart. Somedays are just harder than others.....and well....today is one of those days. It makes all of the difference, though, knowing that when I don't know what else to do or what else to say........I can always just lift my hands up towards heaven and speak God's praise and He will comfort me.