Our Miracle

So it's been a little while....well....maybe a long while. It sure hasn't seemed that way to me. Time seems to fly by when your days are filled with making bottles and changing diapers......that's right....you heard me correctly. Lost, are you? Surprised, are you? Well we were too! My 28th birthday (11/19/10) came and went without a hitch....except me kicking and screaming all the way. I could not believe that once again a birthday was passing without me being a mommy. I really felt a sense of urgency and quite frankly a sense of despair. Even though the few months prior had actually been ok in terms of "infertility emotions" this birthday seemed to hit hard. I was so mad at myself because I had been doing so good staying "positive" and trusting that God had a perfect plan for my life. That day was just hard. My family literally had to drag me to celebrate my own birthday dinner. I was a wreck. The day came and went and so did a quiet Thanksgiving. The Sunday following Thanksgiving was Josh's birthday and I tried my hardest to get off of work(not to mention I really had been sick since the day after my birthday....I mean...I was even too sick for black Friday shopping) I still had to go in. I had been up ALL day...literally...since like 5:00am. I felt like crying as I left Josh at home that evening (on his Birthday) to go into work....pouting. Little did I know that that night would change the rest of my life....and all of those around me. You see, an angel baby was born at 5:10 that morning.....shortly after I woke up....on Josh's birthday....that God had created all along....just for us. He took a situation that seemed so bleak to one mother....and a situation that seemed almost hopeless to another by this point...and He reached down His hands from heaven and gathered those two mothers together....at the right place...at the right time....and He breathed His breath of life. Two days later we brought home our 5lb 11.2oz beautiful, perfect baby girl that the only name that we could mutter for her was Grace. God's Grace. His sweet Grace that we did not deserve or see coming. His sweet Grace that we never could have imagined in our wildest dreams. His plan...His purpose...now it all made perfect sense. God had been preparing my heart.....for a long time for this miracle. There was a time when I was so closed off to the thought of giving up my dreams of a biological child and "settling" for adoption. Boy was I wrong! I even refused to read that chapter in the book that had helped me thru many days. Somewhere along the way, though, I felt my heart being tugged on. I felt a part of my broken heart being opened for a little girl that I didn't even know about yet. Honestly, I can't imagine things any other way, now. I can not imagine ever loving a baby more than I love Grace Danielle. She has brought life to our house. Her smile shines brighter than any form of natural or artificial light this world could produce. Her smile shines straight into my soul. This is what Josh and I were made for. This is what God had been preparing us for. He has given us the most amazing gift to love and to guide...to raise up knowing Him. I will never let her forget just how big God is.....how much He loves us....for everyday when I look into her eyes...I will be reminded of this. Now....four months and 12lbs 7oz later.....our days are a lot busier than before.....but we would not have it any other way. When my head lays on my pillow at the end of the day I am completely at peace. Praise God for His faithfulness. And His Joy that comes in the mourning!!