One Year Ago

What difference does a year really make? Well, in my case....all of the difference in the world! One year ago we attended our "nephew"(Josh's cousin's son's) first birthday party.....feeling so out of place because this was a "kid's" birthday party.....and we had no kids. I would have never imagined in my wildest dreams that a year from that day we'd be "part of the crowd" so to speak. It's amazing how once you are a parent you instantly "fit" in. I have been to more kid's birthday parties since Gracie has been born than I think I had been to in the last ten years. :)
For the very first time I felt like I could really celebrate the child's birthday in which I was attending. I know it sounds horrible but I guess I was always feeling so out of place in the past and longing to be at that place in life that I never really enjoyed or celebrated. It feels great. I am a party planner and hostess by nature so naturally I'm itching to plan and host Gracie's birthday parties. I'm sure it will be seen as "overdone" by some in the family but I don't really care. Josh and I have a beautiful little girl to celebrate and I intend to celebrate her to the fullest!
Things are settling in for us at the Mejia household. We are getting the hang of this parent thing (for now) and our schedules are actually becoming quite routine.....(shocker)...I know. Those of you who keep up with my crazy work adventure know that my floor (finally) shut down after threatening to do so for the last 8 years that I had been there. It was sad......well...more than sad.....but I actually feel like for once in the last 8 years I have some "stability" in my job and can make future plans. For so long we felt like our life was on hold financially because we didn't want to depend on my salary with so much instability at work and with fertility costs. I feel like for the first time in a long time I can actually sit back and take a deep breath. Now....I'm not saying learning a new job/people doesn't suck but boy am I grateful to have that job and have it worked around Josh's schedule so that for now we can delay the dreaded "daycare" need. Life is good. We are cherishing each day and loving our baby girl. She is an amazing little creature. It's so funny to see her picking up some of our traits and ways. I swear she is even starting to look a bit like my baby pictures. She is one special girl. I love to watch her grandparents interact with her. It warms my heart. Those are the sort of things that make all of the lost sleep worth it!

Our Miracle

So it's been a little while....well....maybe a long while. It sure hasn't seemed that way to me. Time seems to fly by when your days are filled with making bottles and changing diapers......that's right....you heard me correctly. Lost, are you? Surprised, are you? Well we were too! My 28th birthday (11/19/10) came and went without a hitch....except me kicking and screaming all the way. I could not believe that once again a birthday was passing without me being a mommy. I really felt a sense of urgency and quite frankly a sense of despair. Even though the few months prior had actually been ok in terms of "infertility emotions" this birthday seemed to hit hard. I was so mad at myself because I had been doing so good staying "positive" and trusting that God had a perfect plan for my life. That day was just hard. My family literally had to drag me to celebrate my own birthday dinner. I was a wreck. The day came and went and so did a quiet Thanksgiving. The Sunday following Thanksgiving was Josh's birthday and I tried my hardest to get off of work(not to mention I really had been sick since the day after my birthday....I mean...I was even too sick for black Friday shopping) I still had to go in. I had been up ALL day...literally...since like 5:00am. I felt like crying as I left Josh at home that evening (on his Birthday) to go into work....pouting. Little did I know that that night would change the rest of my life....and all of those around me. You see, an angel baby was born at 5:10 that morning.....shortly after I woke up....on Josh's birthday....that God had created all along....just for us. He took a situation that seemed so bleak to one mother....and a situation that seemed almost hopeless to another by this point...and He reached down His hands from heaven and gathered those two mothers together....at the right place...at the right time....and He breathed His breath of life. Two days later we brought home our 5lb 11.2oz beautiful, perfect baby girl that the only name that we could mutter for her was Grace. God's Grace. His sweet Grace that we did not deserve or see coming. His sweet Grace that we never could have imagined in our wildest dreams. His plan...His purpose...now it all made perfect sense. God had been preparing my heart.....for a long time for this miracle. There was a time when I was so closed off to the thought of giving up my dreams of a biological child and "settling" for adoption. Boy was I wrong! I even refused to read that chapter in the book that had helped me thru many days. Somewhere along the way, though, I felt my heart being tugged on. I felt a part of my broken heart being opened for a little girl that I didn't even know about yet. Honestly, I can't imagine things any other way, now. I can not imagine ever loving a baby more than I love Grace Danielle. She has brought life to our house. Her smile shines brighter than any form of natural or artificial light this world could produce. Her smile shines straight into my soul. This is what Josh and I were made for. This is what God had been preparing us for. He has given us the most amazing gift to love and to guide...to raise up knowing Him. I will never let her forget just how big God is.....how much He loves us....for everyday when I look into her eyes...I will be reminded of this. Now....four months and 12lbs 7oz later.....our days are a lot busier than before.....but we would not have it any other way. When my head lays on my pillow at the end of the day I am completely at peace. Praise God for His faithfulness. And His Joy that comes in the mourning!!