The famous "2 week wait" should be banned. Really. There should be a test that lets you know the day after..........really! What I know in my heart and soul gets put to the test I think the most in these 2 weeks. As I analyze every little sign and symptom that my body does it's really hard to keep the faith and stay positive. I'm hopeful.......oh am I hopeful..........but it's like in the back of my mind I'm trying to prepare myself for disappointment, too. I know myself......and when I fall....I fall hard. I believe in God's faithfulness. I believe in His promises. Why do I doubt? I find myself trying to fill my time and be involved as much as possible. Staying busy will hopefully help.
Josh and I joined the choir at church this week. At our first practice I'm sitting there when a very prego lady walks in and sits in front of me and beside her sits a young woman with an infant. I'm like....really God.....just what I need. Only after practice while sharing with my step-mom about where my heart is at do I find out that the pregnant lady.....yeah.....she had a full-term still born last year and has had at least 1 miscarriage since. And the new mom.......she's had to endure miscarriages, too. Wow. So often I find myself making assumptions about people from the outside and I find myself envying them and their perfect little lives. How many times am I wrong and don't even know it? So many times I find myself having a pity party but then from time to time God's reveals things and I get the "SEE" that this is not the worst thing that could ever happen to me.(although right now it really feels like it) I know it's not. Although my heart feels like it can't go on like this; God's teaching me to place it in His hands and live. I wan't joy in my life. My heart and my mind say this is impossible without an answer to our prayer but my spirit says.......everyday........live. My prayer is that in the little everyday things that God will give my joy and fill my life at a time where the wait seems to go on forever.
Oh yeah......and the first song that we practiced at choir practice just "happened" to be the very song that has been on Josh and my heart for the last week. We had searched and searched iTunes and couldn't find it. We finally had to google the lyrics and find it that way. Out of ALL of the songs in the whole wide world He put the exact song that had been our cry and our prayer in the wee hours of the morning and that helped to get us through some tough questions there......for us! Great is His faithfulness!!!
By the way....the song.....it's called "When I don't know what to do" by Tommy Walker
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