Back to Reality

There's nothing like coming home. After a week away from my own bed I was ready to come back to my plush-ness and to my two very spoiled kitties......as far as the rest of it......well I could do without. It was nice to get away for a few days......soak up the sun (ok----don't know how much of this I did) and dream......dream that the next time we were there it wouldn't be just Josh and me. Watching the families play with their kids at the pool/beach just intensified our longing. It wasn't a painful longing.......it was....hopeful. I don't know how else to put it. God is working. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. For now......I choose to believe that our miracle is near. Josh and I were talking and I shared with him how sometimes I wonder how God chooses who gets to have their prayers answered quickly and who has to wait........and maybe never have their prayers answered in the capacity that they were placed. And the truth is.....I don't know. (oh how I wish that I did!) I told him that I feel selfish to believe with all of my heart and to hope that our prayers will be answered quickly when I read and I hear about so many hearts that have walked through this journey for so long. It breaks my heart. I know for God there is a time for everything. I know this and yet still I question. Honestly I can not imagine walking this road for as long as some of you have. I can't imagine year after year of monthly-----or even weekly blood draws, ultrasounds, and hopes and letdowns!!! As I pray that God will hear our cries and answer us quickly know that I also pray for you. I pray that God will meet you exactly where you are......on this Mother's Day weekend!!! I choose to believe.........that one day soon we'll be included as one of the blessed creatures that get's to be honored on this day. Sometimes.....I think my family thinks that I'm crazy. I think they think that I have "gone off of the deep end" in my......(as it was once referred to)--obsession to have a child. Well, at times I would partially have to agree.....BUT.......I do know that there is something in this world so strong that no one's name calling or crazy looks can intimidate.......a mother's love. Even though I can't physically hold my child(ren)-YET-......I'm fighting with everthing that I have for them. Today.....I choose to believe....for me and for all of the girls that have walked this barren road.



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